Hello Friends,

If you’ve read previous post, you probably know that I struggle with depression and anxiety.  Some days my brain feels like it’s on turbo speed and won’t slow down making the anxiety and depression worse.  Recently, something (I can’t remember what specifically) made my brain stair to spin like a carnival ride.  I started thinking about my pastor making several comments at church about how we shouldn’t seek the approval of men.  My brain went something like this:

“What does seeking approval of men mean?  I shouldn’t want people to like me because that means I want approval? We are supposed to support each other and uplift each other in life’s struggles. How do we support each other if we aren’t friends?  But even Jesus had people He hung out with; Would he consider them friends? And if they weren’t friends how did he consider them?  Does it make me a bad person that I want friends? I’m a bad person because I want people to tell me I’m a nice person.”

I left out a lot of my spiral because it was a bunch of repetitive thinking, however as you can see my thinking spiraled and was way out of control.  I allowed myself to get caught up in my thoughts and the anxiety led to depression.

My friend Elizabeth encouraged me to reach out to my pastor about this. At first I resisted, but I couldn’t move past it so I reached out.  Here is most of Pastor David’s response

“It is totally good and normal to want friends. This is a basic human desire. It is also normal to desire to be liked. I do not believe that desire makes you sinful or guilty of craving of man's approval. I do, however, think the conversation becomes clearer and therefore more helpful, when you focus the conversation to the context of Christian friendships. Believers need each other. We are called to love and sharpen each other. So, when you shift the conversation from general friendships to a church family, the conversation becomes less about being liked and more about being loved. Or, more about holy than needing approval. We seek Christian relationships not because we detect that they like us but because God has put a deep love for each other in our hearts. This sometimes means that we point out sins causing the other person not to "like" us in that moment. But, we do so because we have Christian goals in these Christian relationships. This really distinguishes Christian friendships from secular friendships. My encouragement would be to press into what makes for good Christian relationships and I think these insecurities you feel and needs for validation will greatly diminish.”

I’ll be honest, I’m still thinking and reflecting on this response from Pastor David.  However it does make sense that it’s more about being loved than about approval.  Everyone needs to feel loved, Christians and non Christians alike.  I also agree separating the two makes sense.  Christians and non-Christians respond to situations differently.  My Christian friends will focus on prayer, faith, and hope.  Nothing against my nonChristian friends but they don’t have the Hope that we have as Christians. They can be a listening ear, or give advice, but they don’t have the Love of Jesus to be able to pray for hope in faith.

Friends, thanks for taking the time to read.  Do you have thoughts on this topic? Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts.

I am a follower of Christ, I am not perfect, but I love Jesus.

Until Next Time,

Liz Allen