Hello Friends,

We communicate with others every day.  Sometimes it is verbally, sometimes non-verbal.  We may turn our turn signal on to let another driver know we are turning, smile and nod at someone who holds open the door, we may ask someone to turn down their music, or to speak up because we can't hear them.   We communicate every day.  Sometimes our communication can be misunderstood.  We may ask someone to turn down their music, and they may "hear" we don't like their music and don't want to hear it.  Or, they felt they were speaking loudly and felt their effort wasn't enough to please us.  Communication isn't just about what we say it's about how the other person perceives our words or actions.  

 

Several weeks ago, I was at an event with young families.  We were talking about how we, as a group, could do outreach to young families to introduce them to Jesus.  Being the only single person there, I was quietly asked how I felt about the whole thing.  I "heard" them ask how I felt, being single, about how we should conduct our outreach.  I was pleased to be asked, and I confidently explained being a single person it sometimes felt awkward being with so many families, with no other singles.  It was easy to feel left out.  I explained I didn't think we should ONLY minister to families with children, but we needed to make single adults our age feel welcome too.   I thanked the person for asking me, as I honestly feel overlooked at times.  I thought I had communicated well.  I explained how I felt, and how I didn't want others to feel that way.  Fast forward about a month.  This group met again, and I was left off the invite.  I felt hurt, but I also knew the leaders wouldn't intentionally leave me off.  They are great people, but I figured they had just overlooked my name on the list, so I politely reminded them to add me to the text group for the next time.

A week later, I found out that somehow between the person asking me my thoughts, and relaying what they heard to the leader of the group, it was concluded that I felt uncomfortable and therefore did not want to be in the group going forward.  Say what!?  I am still not sure how that communication happened, but I was reassured I was welcome in the group, and it was just a misunderstanding.  

 

This has made me think about communication, and how easy it is to misinterpret what someone says.  Once, as a new employee to a department, I was heading to lunch and saw my team lead working on downloading files.  I politely stopped and said, "I don't care to do that, when I get back from lunch."  I thought she'd be pleased I was offering to do such a mundane task.  So, when she said "I don't care if you care or not, if I tell you to do it, you'll do it" I was stunned speechless.  I had no idea how to respond to this.  How does an offer of help get misinterpreted so badly?  Because while I meant "I don't mind to" she heard "I don't want to."  Luckily, she realized by the stunned and slightly confused look on my face that she misunderstood my intended meaning, and all was well.  

 

We all need to remember that we are from different backgrounds, different cultures, and have had different experiences.  What may be obvious to you, may not be obvious to someone else.  Words could have different meanings.  A perfect example would be a story my mom once shared about her days as a teacher.  There was a family that had recently moved to the US from the UK.  The student was in first grade and my mother was trying to explain to the child's mother the student was struggling a bit because of a language barrier.  The mother was a bit confused, after all, English is the official language in both the US and the UK.  My mom gave the example how parents in America come to the school to pick up their children.  In the UK, they "collect" them.  The confusion was because parents don't physically pick their children up, the kids walk themselves, so they don't "pick up" their children.  This example can help explain how easy it can be to miscommunicate with others.  

 

We need to be careful how we communicate with others, both Christians and non-Christians.  There is an old saying that says YOU might be the only Bible someone reads.  This is a really big deal.  We live in a world where people like to judge.  They watch for people to make mistakes.  While Christians aren't perfect and never will be, we need to be careful how we respond to our own mistakes, and mistakes others make.  When the leader of my group realized I didn't intend to communicate I no longer wanted to participate, I got an apology for being left off the group text and also because they did for not clarify with me what my communication intended to be.  I of course, said I understood, which I did, but how often do we as humans just want to say something, get a little dig in, to let others know how much we were hurt?  (Note to leader, if you're reading this, I really do get it, no hard feelings here.)  It is so easy to get caught up in how we feel over misunderstandings that we forget that our response affects the other people in the misunderstanding, and we are being watched.  You never know when you might do something that makes a non-Christian say "I want to know more about that Jesus" or sadly "if that's what it means to be a Christian, I want no part in it."

 

My apologies for such a long post.  I feel it is important to communicate well, and when there is miscommunication, that we respond well.  In my experience, MOST of the time, you know the person well enough to know their intention.  You know if they bear GOOD spiritual fruit.  Remember this when you choose how you will respond.

 

I am a follower of Christ, I am not perfect, but I love Jesus.

Until Next Time,

 

Liz Allen